and another one falls...
rest in peace, susan.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
finally... some good news
cheers to the UK for getting this right... now if they'd just dump blair in iraq with a poorly armored humvee and wrapped in an israeli flag, the world would be a MUCH better place.
cheers to the UK for getting this right... now if they'd just dump blair in iraq with a poorly armored humvee and wrapped in an israeli flag, the world would be a MUCH better place.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
what a complete ass
this is quite possibly the most disgusting thing i've ever heard.
yet, strangely, it doesn't surprise me.
this is quite possibly the most disgusting thing i've ever heard.
yet, strangely, it doesn't surprise me.
Monday, December 13, 2004
beWare
i wonder if dubya saw what happened to pinochet this morning and thought, if only for a fleeting instance, that this could be is future in 15 years.
probably not.
i wonder if dubya saw what happened to pinochet this morning and thought, if only for a fleeting instance, that this could be is future in 15 years.
probably not.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
double-speak of the day
"I don't know what the facts are but somebody's certainly going to sit down with him and find out what he knows that they may not know, and make sure he knows what they know that he may not know, and that's a good thing. I think it's a very constructive exchange."
Donald Rumsfeld
"I don't know what the facts are but somebody's certainly going to sit down with him and find out what he knows that they may not know, and make sure he knows what they know that he may not know, and that's a good thing. I think it's a very constructive exchange."
Donald Rumsfeld
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
the big "go fuck yourself"
seems like rummy's a little testy lately... i do think, however, that someone needs to inform him that you don't go to war with "the army that you have" - you go to war with the best army possible... and (here's the kicker) if you don't have the best army possible, you DON'T GO TO WAR.
amazing that the biggest fuck-ups in this cabinet are the ones keeping their jobs.
seems like rummy's a little testy lately... i do think, however, that someone needs to inform him that you don't go to war with "the army that you have" - you go to war with the best army possible... and (here's the kicker) if you don't have the best army possible, you DON'T GO TO WAR.
amazing that the biggest fuck-ups in this cabinet are the ones keeping their jobs.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
more idiocy
there's been acres and acres of ludicrous behavior happening since the election... this is just another example of uppity christians thinking they can continue to get away with it...
i think what we need to do now is throw a couple of 'em to the lions again... that'll straighten 'em out... (hey, it worked last time...)
there's been acres and acres of ludicrous behavior happening since the election... this is just another example of uppity christians thinking they can continue to get away with it...
i think what we need to do now is throw a couple of 'em to the lions again... that'll straighten 'em out... (hey, it worked last time...)
Monday, November 22, 2004
no soup for you
freemans just became my favorite restaurant in NYC... (scroll down to the section on the bush twins)
classic...
freemans just became my favorite restaurant in NYC... (scroll down to the section on the bush twins)
classic...
Saturday, November 20, 2004
jhon balance
for those of you who haven't heard, jhon balance of coil died last weekend... the grisly details are here...
this from one of his biggest fans, my best friend zeny...
for those of you who haven't heard, jhon balance of coil died last weekend... the grisly details are here...
this from one of his biggest fans, my best friend zeny...
balance!
rest in peace
in a time *without* balance...
i LOVE you.
and so shall i cherish you, in passionate retrospect...
the intangible hours!
you and your musick, to guide me (via chaos) to absolute truth.
these personal effects:
a reno apartment(!) a seattle subway(?) new york city(*)
an astral disaster; a peculiar itch... an eternal obsession.
blessings, dear jhon...
you have changed the pathways of my heart and of my mind,
and i am grateful to you.
travel in peace,
surrounded by light
and my love.
you are eternal...
blossom, my love!
z e n
a very nice diversion
there's some wonderful pics up of my daughter at the Dresden Dolls show in SF last week on my wife's site... i unfortunately was unable to attend due to my stubbornly ridiculous habit of working all goddamned week.
there's some wonderful pics up of my daughter at the Dresden Dolls show in SF last week on my wife's site... i unfortunately was unable to attend due to my stubbornly ridiculous habit of working all goddamned week.
Friday, November 12, 2004
amerika
if someone ever abducted me, i would hope a witness would have the common decency to do SOMETHING... ANYTHING...
the world we've created here just seems to get sadder and sadder...
if someone ever abducted me, i would hope a witness would have the common decency to do SOMETHING... ANYTHING...
the world we've created here just seems to get sadder and sadder...
Monday, November 08, 2004
next
needed about a week off to let this all soak in... THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS... your views and commiseration helped me get through a rather difficult time... feeling better now and getting angry about herr bush and his cronies again, which i suppose is a good thing.
i've decided to keep this blog going... my initial reaction to the election results was to just give it all up, that it really wasn't worth it and wasn't making any sort of difference... i've realized that maybe it was a little too ideological (and probably a little egotistical) to believe that i actually could inspire any sort of change... so now i guess i just need somewhere where i can bitch as much as i want with no one shutting me up (and save my wife the agony of listening to me constantly rant)...
in happier news, michael and heather at messiahbomb have brought rowan cassidy into the world... here's to hoping we can make it a better place for him.
needed about a week off to let this all soak in... THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS... your views and commiseration helped me get through a rather difficult time... feeling better now and getting angry about herr bush and his cronies again, which i suppose is a good thing.
i've decided to keep this blog going... my initial reaction to the election results was to just give it all up, that it really wasn't worth it and wasn't making any sort of difference... i've realized that maybe it was a little too ideological (and probably a little egotistical) to believe that i actually could inspire any sort of change... so now i guess i just need somewhere where i can bitch as much as i want with no one shutting me up (and save my wife the agony of listening to me constantly rant)...
in happier news, michael and heather at messiahbomb have brought rowan cassidy into the world... here's to hoping we can make it a better place for him.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
the ugly american is alive and well
well, it's over... no recount in ohio is going to save sanity for this nation... not with bush winning the popular count by over four million votes... and this morning, every moderately sane person is asking themselves the same question: what now?
judging by the way the votes went in the senate, there's a pretty simple answer - more of the same... expansion of the patriot act (hence, the further erosion of what civil rights we have left), drilling for a miniscule amount of oil in alaska (hence, furthering the cause of ecological disaster), continuation of an unwinnable war in iraq, as well as probably a new one in iran, continuing loss of stature and respect in the world at large, and finally the eventual triumph of fear.
this is what the majority of american citizens want. they've just said so.
and now the republicans are calling for a deeply divided nation to "come together" to work all these problems they created (or exacerbated) out... in good conscience, i simply can't do that... i can't join in a government that propogates fear and prejudice, regardless if the majority of the people i live with think it's a good idea... so i find myself where i was back in the hell of the reagan years - slinking back down into the black hole of apathy... i've lost any glimmer of respect i might have had for the majority of the people living in my country, and it's probably best just to slip back into the anonimity of the "unwashed masses"...
in short, i'm disgusted. and very, very depressed.
well, it's over... no recount in ohio is going to save sanity for this nation... not with bush winning the popular count by over four million votes... and this morning, every moderately sane person is asking themselves the same question: what now?
judging by the way the votes went in the senate, there's a pretty simple answer - more of the same... expansion of the patriot act (hence, the further erosion of what civil rights we have left), drilling for a miniscule amount of oil in alaska (hence, furthering the cause of ecological disaster), continuation of an unwinnable war in iraq, as well as probably a new one in iran, continuing loss of stature and respect in the world at large, and finally the eventual triumph of fear.
this is what the majority of american citizens want. they've just said so.
and now the republicans are calling for a deeply divided nation to "come together" to work all these problems they created (or exacerbated) out... in good conscience, i simply can't do that... i can't join in a government that propogates fear and prejudice, regardless if the majority of the people i live with think it's a good idea... so i find myself where i was back in the hell of the reagan years - slinking back down into the black hole of apathy... i've lost any glimmer of respect i might have had for the majority of the people living in my country, and it's probably best just to slip back into the anonimity of the "unwashed masses"...
in short, i'm disgusted. and very, very depressed.
Monday, November 01, 2004
...and finally
tip #3: vote your conscience... there's been so much spin on this election from both sides that it's nearly impossible to get all the facts... i'd just like to throw a few irrefutable ones out there for you to ponder:
satan will NOT crawl up through your toilet and eat your children if you vote for john kerry, no matter what little dickie cheney says... the jury's still out on whether george bush will send your four-year old off to play in an iraqi sandbox if re-elected (or rather, if he's really elected at all)... michael moore and ann coulter are NOT coming to your work to humiliate you for your vote... bruce springsteen is NOT going to play at your cousin's bar mitzvah... curt schilling (while quite possibly having the best pitching performance in a postseason ever) is NOT better than you... arnold schwarzenegger doesn't even know you exist... and seriously, folks, no one REALLY gives a flying furry rat fuck what p. diddy has to say...
all this aside, just vote.
it can't hurt.
tip #3: vote your conscience... there's been so much spin on this election from both sides that it's nearly impossible to get all the facts... i'd just like to throw a few irrefutable ones out there for you to ponder:
satan will NOT crawl up through your toilet and eat your children if you vote for john kerry, no matter what little dickie cheney says... the jury's still out on whether george bush will send your four-year old off to play in an iraqi sandbox if re-elected (or rather, if he's really elected at all)... michael moore and ann coulter are NOT coming to your work to humiliate you for your vote... bruce springsteen is NOT going to play at your cousin's bar mitzvah... curt schilling (while quite possibly having the best pitching performance in a postseason ever) is NOT better than you... arnold schwarzenegger doesn't even know you exist... and seriously, folks, no one REALLY gives a flying furry rat fuck what p. diddy has to say...
all this aside, just vote.
it can't hurt.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
more helpful election time tips
tip #2: if you're a candidate and you haven't had a really good photo op lately, just make one up... come to think of it, maybe they can just photoshop out all that "mission accomplished" crap and forget the whole thing happened...
tip #2: if you're a candidate and you haven't had a really good photo op lately, just make one up... come to think of it, maybe they can just photoshop out all that "mission accomplished" crap and forget the whole thing happened...
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
helpful election time tips
tip #1: remember that it's still illegal to try to run down candidates in your cadillac even if they desperately deserve it... and though a few semantically overzealous folks (and yourself) might label your actions as "exercising political expression", the Law has another term for this. it's called "attempted murder", and it's not too cool to go to jail for trying to kill a nazi. there are other, more productive and less time-consuming ways to go about removing these individuals from positions of power.
regardless, nice try. just be sure to cover up or remove your license plate beforehand next time.
tip #1: remember that it's still illegal to try to run down candidates in your cadillac even if they desperately deserve it... and though a few semantically overzealous folks (and yourself) might label your actions as "exercising political expression", the Law has another term for this. it's called "attempted murder", and it's not too cool to go to jail for trying to kill a nazi. there are other, more productive and less time-consuming ways to go about removing these individuals from positions of power.
regardless, nice try. just be sure to cover up or remove your license plate beforehand next time.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
threes
after the patriots won the super bowl and the red sox beat the yankees in the most improbable fashion imagined, i'm now completely convinced that john kerry is going to win this election... clean sweep for boston...
after the patriots won the super bowl and the red sox beat the yankees in the most improbable fashion imagined, i'm now completely convinced that john kerry is going to win this election... clean sweep for boston...
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
freedom inoculations
those filthy fucking frogs can keep their yellow-bellied life saving serums to themselves, thank you very much... what audacity! we don't need no "preventive medication" that could save thousands of elderly and young lives, especially when it comes from the FRENCH. we're AMERICANS, dammit. i mean, we'd never hand over the well-being of our citzens to a foreign nation, right?
um... right?
those filthy fucking frogs can keep their yellow-bellied life saving serums to themselves, thank you very much... what audacity! we don't need no "preventive medication" that could save thousands of elderly and young lives, especially when it comes from the FRENCH. we're AMERICANS, dammit. i mean, we'd never hand over the well-being of our citzens to a foreign nation, right?
um... right?
fear mongering and the high road
i don't think there's any question that little dickie cheney is the hermann goring of 2004... still, ya gotta love these kinda remarks...
i don't think there's any question that little dickie cheney is the hermann goring of 2004... still, ya gotta love these kinda remarks...
Monday, October 18, 2004
coming soon
get ready kids... if dubya wins in november, this scenario may very well likely be staring us in the face come 2008...
get ready kids... if dubya wins in november, this scenario may very well likely be staring us in the face come 2008...
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
death, destruction and our inevitable doom
it's the end of the world as we know it.
(big puerco gracias to lady t for the link...)
it's the end of the world as we know it.
(big puerco gracias to lady t for the link...)
a little corner of truth
anyone who regularly peruses this blog knows of my love affair with PBS, in particular, Frontline... last night they aired an excellent overview of both kerry and bush entitled The Choice 2004. you really should check it out... and as of 10/15/04, they'll have the full program available online... worth the two hours in every detail...
anyone who regularly peruses this blog knows of my love affair with PBS, in particular, Frontline... last night they aired an excellent overview of both kerry and bush entitled The Choice 2004. you really should check it out... and as of 10/15/04, they'll have the full program available online... worth the two hours in every detail...
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
RIP
overshadowed by the death of christopher reeve a few days ago was the death of ken caminiti - NL MVP in1996, father, and cocaine addict... sad, sad story...
rest in peace.
overshadowed by the death of christopher reeve a few days ago was the death of ken caminiti - NL MVP in1996, father, and cocaine addict... sad, sad story...
rest in peace.
money problems
bush's permanent tax cuts will help raise our debt to $2.2 trillion (yes, that's with a "t") over the next 10 years... kerry's economic plans will cost us about $1.1 trillion over the same period...
so basically, we're screwed.
bush's permanent tax cuts will help raise our debt to $2.2 trillion (yes, that's with a "t") over the next 10 years... kerry's economic plans will cost us about $1.1 trillion over the same period...
so basically, we're screwed.
Friday, October 08, 2004
heights of desparation
ever get the feeling that the republican party is just running scared?
"okay, w... now we gotta go out and get that elusive AMISH vote..."
ever get the feeling that the republican party is just running scared?
"okay, w... now we gotta go out and get that elusive AMISH vote..."
Thursday, October 07, 2004
everything you need to know
thanks to whoever put this all together... i find it incredulous, after knowing everything that this "president" has done throughout his life, that ANYONE would still want him to lead this country...
thanks to whoever put this all together... i find it incredulous, after knowing everything that this "president" has done throughout his life, that ANYONE would still want him to lead this country...
Thursday, September 30, 2004
controversy yet again
finally, reason shines its golden light on the electorate! this will probably be the most critical, nationally important issue debated tonight...
finally, reason shines its golden light on the electorate! this will probably be the most critical, nationally important issue debated tonight...
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
debates
well, i WAS getting excited about watching kerry and georgie debate, but the fine folks at Open Debates (and NOW with Bill Moyers on PBS) have shown me that they'll have about as much impact on the election as, say, a quart of bacon grease... according to them, it's all gone downhill since the League of Women Voters stopped sponsoring the event...
well, i WAS getting excited about watching kerry and georgie debate, but the fine folks at Open Debates (and NOW with Bill Moyers on PBS) have shown me that they'll have about as much impact on the election as, say, a quart of bacon grease... according to them, it's all gone downhill since the League of Women Voters stopped sponsoring the event...
Monday, September 27, 2004
jeanne
the atlantic seems to be pounding my hometown (Albany, GA - raised in Savannah) to a disastrous pulp, creating a mess of GOP magnitude...
serves 'em right for putting Zell Miller into office.
the atlantic seems to be pounding my hometown (Albany, GA - raised in Savannah) to a disastrous pulp, creating a mess of GOP magnitude...
serves 'em right for putting Zell Miller into office.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
really wild world
thank god they didn't let this dangerous heathen back into the good ole US of A... he might have sang "morning has broken" again, which obviously would promote wide-ranging terrorist attacks in hippie communes across the nation...
i think his website also claims responsibility for the recent brutal beheading of an innocent bag of granola... i downloaded the video offa Kazaa... disturbing...
thank god they didn't let this dangerous heathen back into the good ole US of A... he might have sang "morning has broken" again, which obviously would promote wide-ranging terrorist attacks in hippie communes across the nation...
i think his website also claims responsibility for the recent brutal beheading of an innocent bag of granola... i downloaded the video offa Kazaa... disturbing...
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
pishaw
i wonder if bush knows how ridiculous he sounds when he stands up in front of the world and speaks of justice and dignity.
probably not.
i wonder if bush knows how ridiculous he sounds when he stands up in front of the world and speaks of justice and dignity.
probably not.
Monday, September 20, 2004
our triumphant return
greetings again, folks - alas, once more from reno... san francisco was its usual giddy self, full of playful energy and audaciousness... thanks to everyone there who made the trip worthwhile... photos to come soon (i'm sure) on stef's website...
two purchases this trip which deserve mention: a special edition release of leni reifenstahl's "triumph of the will" on DVD (finally with ENGLISH subtitles), and a new bumper sticker - "Bush/Cheney 2004 - We're Gooder!".
i expect both items to ruffle more than a few feathers in this backwater burgh...
greetings again, folks - alas, once more from reno... san francisco was its usual giddy self, full of playful energy and audaciousness... thanks to everyone there who made the trip worthwhile... photos to come soon (i'm sure) on stef's website...
two purchases this trip which deserve mention: a special edition release of leni reifenstahl's "triumph of the will" on DVD (finally with ENGLISH subtitles), and a new bumper sticker - "Bush/Cheney 2004 - We're Gooder!".
i expect both items to ruffle more than a few feathers in this backwater burgh...
Monday, September 13, 2004
yes, another vacation
well kids, i'm off to Santa Cruz/San Francisco again for another six day vacation... happy birthday to my beautiful wife Stef on Wednesday, happy first birthday Ute!, and pre-congratulations to Esteban and Heidi for their wedding this Saturday in SF...
i leave you now to your own devices, or the devices of your loved ones, whichever is more pleasurable...
be good, little piggies.
well kids, i'm off to Santa Cruz/San Francisco again for another six day vacation... happy birthday to my beautiful wife Stef on Wednesday, happy first birthday Ute!, and pre-congratulations to Esteban and Heidi for their wedding this Saturday in SF...
i leave you now to your own devices, or the devices of your loved ones, whichever is more pleasurable...
be good, little piggies.
Friday, September 10, 2004
Thursday, September 09, 2004
coalition of the (mostly) willing
costa rica's highest court decided today that their country should be removed from the "coalition of the willing", and is preparing a formal letter to the US requesting so, much to the apparent relief of the majority of their pacifist country... makes me wonder exactly how many other of the 49 countries that supposedly drank the Kool-Aid merely agreed with the US that terrorism and dictatorships were not nice things, and who suddenly found themselves part of a "coalition".
costa rica's highest court decided today that their country should be removed from the "coalition of the willing", and is preparing a formal letter to the US requesting so, much to the apparent relief of the majority of their pacifist country... makes me wonder exactly how many other of the 49 countries that supposedly drank the Kool-Aid merely agreed with the US that terrorism and dictatorships were not nice things, and who suddenly found themselves part of a "coalition".
get it right
perhaps all this is just a universal kick in the ass directed squarely at Florida for fucking up the last election...
perhaps all this is just a universal kick in the ass directed squarely at Florida for fucking up the last election...
Friday, September 03, 2004
cabaret punk stars love my daughter
so my daughter loves the Dresden Dolls... seriously LOVES them...
and they evidently love her too.
(thanks, amanda)
so my daughter loves the Dresden Dolls... seriously LOVES them...
and they evidently love her too.
(thanks, amanda)
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
YAY!
wherever you are tonight, whatever you're doing, take time out to toast and tip one back for a real american hero...
wherever you are tonight, whatever you're doing, take time out to toast and tip one back for a real american hero...
flip flopper in chief
amazing how such inconsistencies can occur in the space of about 24 hours... first bush said we probably couldn't win the "war on terror"... then he said we would...
and john kerry is the indecisive one.
um... yeah.
amazing how such inconsistencies can occur in the space of about 24 hours... first bush said we probably couldn't win the "war on terror"... then he said we would...
and john kerry is the indecisive one.
um... yeah.
who would jesus bomb?
so i've been trying to watch the republican national convention with as much interest as i did with the democrats... seems only fair... i think i got through about 10 minutes of guiliani's "speech" when i realized that if i simply had to watch a bunch of seriously self-absorbed, out of touch and desperate people, i'd rather watch the 700 Club.
so i've been trying to watch the republican national convention with as much interest as i did with the democrats... seems only fair... i think i got through about 10 minutes of guiliani's "speech" when i realized that if i simply had to watch a bunch of seriously self-absorbed, out of touch and desperate people, i'd rather watch the 700 Club.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
fed up
that's it... i'm now completely sick of hearing about vietnam and how that somehow affects an election 30 years later... still, i gotta credit the republican party for making this non-issue outshine any really important things that we should be talking about... like, say, people dying in iraq or losing their job or not being able to buy medicine... little things like that... and i also have to credit the democratic party for playing along... kerry (or some nameless, faceless "spokesperson") should've come out and said "look, i was in vietnam. i got hurt. don't believe me? look at the records. enough is enough." - and he probably shouldn't have been running for the presidency on the fact that he was a war hero in the first place... the bush administration eats these people for breakfast, as proven in 2000 by what happened to john mccain, who, coincidentally, is just about as fed up as i am.
still, i'm looking forward to watching these two debate - if they decide to debate REAL issues, that is.
that's it... i'm now completely sick of hearing about vietnam and how that somehow affects an election 30 years later... still, i gotta credit the republican party for making this non-issue outshine any really important things that we should be talking about... like, say, people dying in iraq or losing their job or not being able to buy medicine... little things like that... and i also have to credit the democratic party for playing along... kerry (or some nameless, faceless "spokesperson") should've come out and said "look, i was in vietnam. i got hurt. don't believe me? look at the records. enough is enough." - and he probably shouldn't have been running for the presidency on the fact that he was a war hero in the first place... the bush administration eats these people for breakfast, as proven in 2000 by what happened to john mccain, who, coincidentally, is just about as fed up as i am.
still, i'm looking forward to watching these two debate - if they decide to debate REAL issues, that is.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
thistleshrine
the Right Honorable Bastard Andrew Waage FINALLY has his site (almost) up... do yerself a favor and check it out here... or click thee hither upon yon link------->>
the Right Honorable Bastard Andrew Waage FINALLY has his site (almost) up... do yerself a favor and check it out here... or click thee hither upon yon link------->>
Monday, August 16, 2004
where's ginsy when you need him?
this is quickly shaping up to be a convention to rival Chicago's 1968 fiasco, replete with "young, scruffy looking" narc ass-kicking... i've heard estimates of protestors being between 400-800,000 in number, so it should turn out to be a tear gas huffin', rubber bullet bruisin' good time.
hopefully, though, the message will get out: anyone but bush.
this is quickly shaping up to be a convention to rival Chicago's 1968 fiasco, replete with "young, scruffy looking" narc ass-kicking... i've heard estimates of protestors being between 400-800,000 in number, so it should turn out to be a tear gas huffin', rubber bullet bruisin' good time.
hopefully, though, the message will get out: anyone but bush.
Monday, August 09, 2004
tourist dollars or bust
not only does "what happens in vegas stays in vegas", but evidently what happens in vegas is none of your fucking business, thank you very much.
not only does "what happens in vegas stays in vegas", but evidently what happens in vegas is none of your fucking business, thank you very much.
a quick overview of american history and culture
other mistakes found in the school's curriculum:
The War of 1812 began in 1955 in New Zealand.
Each member of the House of Representatives must be of mixed Icelandic/Asian descent and is entitled to one free llama.
Election primaries in Southern states are decided by a "tooth count" - the candidate with the less amount of teeth wins.
Upon emancipation, slaves were promised 40 acres of hedgehogs.
more?
Friday, August 06, 2004
a truly inferior race
as anyone who reads this blog knows, i'm a strong advocate for free speech, and i'm sure Mr. Hart would agree with me that what makes america great is that you can believe in any crackpot idea you want to believe in (read: scientology, america first, etc.)... that being said, it is my humble desire that this jackass be strung up by his ankles and beat senseless with a sock full of used batteries.
but that's just my opinion.
as anyone who reads this blog knows, i'm a strong advocate for free speech, and i'm sure Mr. Hart would agree with me that what makes america great is that you can believe in any crackpot idea you want to believe in (read: scientology, america first, etc.)... that being said, it is my humble desire that this jackass be strung up by his ankles and beat senseless with a sock full of used batteries.
but that's just my opinion.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
screw burning man...
i've been a huge reader of William S. Burroughs for a long time, and am absolutely giddy at the possibility of going down to San Francisco to see a Dream Machine replica. it's on display all month, so i urge anyone in the Bay Area who reads this to go check it out... though it's not an original one of these (the one on display was built by David Woodard, bless his soul), i'm doing my best to try and get the time offa work to be there and float with the best of 'em...
big milky pigthanks to mike for the link
i've been a huge reader of William S. Burroughs for a long time, and am absolutely giddy at the possibility of going down to San Francisco to see a Dream Machine replica. it's on display all month, so i urge anyone in the Bay Area who reads this to go check it out... though it's not an original one of these (the one on display was built by David Woodard, bless his soul), i'm doing my best to try and get the time offa work to be there and float with the best of 'em...
big milky pigthanks to mike for the link
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
inciting "terror" the american way
in light of the Department of Homeland Security's new policy of raising "terror threat levels" due to information 3-4 years old, Tom Ridge today issued a new warning to citizens of Pearl Harbor, HI. Based on information received in early autumn 63 years ago, the threat level throughout Hawaii was raised to "orange" and citizens were advised to be aware of a possible sneak attack on the naval base located there.
folks, we're OBVIOUSLY winning the "war on terror".
in light of the Department of Homeland Security's new policy of raising "terror threat levels" due to information 3-4 years old, Tom Ridge today issued a new warning to citizens of Pearl Harbor, HI. Based on information received in early autumn 63 years ago, the threat level throughout Hawaii was raised to "orange" and citizens were advised to be aware of a possible sneak attack on the naval base located there.
folks, we're OBVIOUSLY winning the "war on terror".
Friday, July 30, 2004
addendum
as further illustration to the point made yesterday, read this and then repeat as many Frank Herbert mantras as possible.
as further illustration to the point made yesterday, read this and then repeat as many Frank Herbert mantras as possible.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
be afraid. be VERY afraid. (or, the GOP 2004 Convention Keynote Address)
okay, guys... an attack's coming... we just don't know when, where or how... but don't be deceived... they're OUT THERE and they're COMING FOR YOU.
so for chrissakes, be AFRAID... don't let those terrorist bastards SNEAK UP on you with your Fear down or take away your right to SHIT YOUR PANTS at our command...
we suggest you buy some duct tape. a whole HELL of a lot of duct tape. we don't know precisely WHY yet, but remember, it's better to be afraid than caught OFF GUARD.
thank you, god bless america, and remember - only bush/cheney can save you from the Fear.
ps. michael moore is a weenie. vote bush. thanks.
okay, guys... an attack's coming... we just don't know when, where or how... but don't be deceived... they're OUT THERE and they're COMING FOR YOU.
so for chrissakes, be AFRAID... don't let those terrorist bastards SNEAK UP on you with your Fear down or take away your right to SHIT YOUR PANTS at our command...
we suggest you buy some duct tape. a whole HELL of a lot of duct tape. we don't know precisely WHY yet, but remember, it's better to be afraid than caught OFF GUARD.
thank you, god bless america, and remember - only bush/cheney can save you from the Fear.
ps. michael moore is a weenie. vote bush. thanks.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
jimmy
i've been a fan of president carter's now for some time... his human rights credentials are second to none and aside from being from Plains, GA (and my mom working for him when he was governor), i think the man really blossomed into a fine human being after his tumultuous term as president...
carter showed his true statesmanship last night in his speech to the democratic national convention. his truly shining moment came here:
i've been a fan of president carter's now for some time... his human rights credentials are second to none and aside from being from Plains, GA (and my mom working for him when he was governor), i think the man really blossomed into a fine human being after his tumultuous term as president...
carter showed his true statesmanship last night in his speech to the democratic national convention. his truly shining moment came here:
"In repudiating extremism, we need to recommit ourselves to a few common-sense principles that should transcend partisan differences.ahhh... if only he had waited another 20 years to run for president...
First, we cannot enhance our own security if we place in jeopardy what is most precious to us, namely the centrality of human rights in our daily lives and in global affairs.
Second, we cannot maintain our historic self-confidence as a people if we generate public panic.
Third, we cannot do our duty as citizens and patriots if we pursue an agenda that polarizes and divides our country.
Next, we cannot be true to ourselves if we mistreat others.
And finally, in the world at large, we cannot lead if our leaders mislead."
Friday, July 23, 2004
NEWSFLASH: don't be an asshole
a few quotes i'd like to throw at ya:
true, this poll applies to 892 people surveyed, but i'd like to think it represents the majority of opinion in america... here's to hoping this sentiment carries through to november...
a few quotes i'd like to throw at ya:
Two-thirds (of polled Americans) believe the United States president should not have the right to override constitutional requirements that all people in detention should be given a hearing.you can read the whole article here.
Three-fourths agreed with the statement that the United States is a moral leader in the world and should not set a bad example by torturing or degrading people in detention.
true, this poll applies to 892 people surveyed, but i'd like to think it represents the majority of opinion in america... here's to hoping this sentiment carries through to november...
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
bad businessmen
so not only is the government obstructing marijuana research for scientists, when they DO provide it, they're kicking down Mississippi schwag.
researchers: if ya REALLY need a good score, just get in touch with me. i got the hook up...
so not only is the government obstructing marijuana research for scientists, when they DO provide it, they're kicking down Mississippi schwag.
researchers: if ya REALLY need a good score, just get in touch with me. i got the hook up...
what's good for the goose...
okay... so israel states that they are going to defy a UN vote. i can virtually guarantee that US forces will not unilaterally invade israel.
makes another of bush's reasons for going to war with iraq seem mighty weak...
okay... so israel states that they are going to defy a UN vote. i can virtually guarantee that US forces will not unilaterally invade israel.
makes another of bush's reasons for going to war with iraq seem mighty weak...
Monday, July 19, 2004
desperado
as my wife just pointed out to me, the "aladdin" casino may very well be owned by unimpressed saudis.
lovely trampling of first amendment rights, no? check out mike moore's response...
as my wife just pointed out to me, the "aladdin" casino may very well be owned by unimpressed saudis.
lovely trampling of first amendment rights, no? check out mike moore's response...
if at first you don't succeed...
well, at least the bush administration is persistent... what's next? a possible tiny tim (god rest his soul)/9-11 link?
maybe someone (other than michael moore) should explore the possibility of a george bush/9-11 connection...
well, at least the bush administration is persistent... what's next? a possible tiny tim (god rest his soul)/9-11 link?
maybe someone (other than michael moore) should explore the possibility of a george bush/9-11 connection...
the good, the bad, and the incredibly stupid
the good:
fine to see judges using some common sense...
the bad:
they'll never learn...
dig this quote:
and the incredibly stupid:
did anyone not see this coming?
good lord.
the good:
fine to see judges using some common sense...
the bad:
they'll never learn...
dig this quote:
"Pot is no longer the gentle weed of the 1960s and may pose a greater threat than cocaine or even heroin because so many more people use it."oh man...
and the incredibly stupid:
did anyone not see this coming?
good lord.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
microcosms
the LAPD is at it again.
this sound familiar?
i'm sure the chief's embarrassed that the truth's coming out, too... can't really blame him for this tactic, though... the washington regime has showed them that if anything goes wrong, blame it on intelligence.
i happen to think that it's actually lack of intelligence that's the problem.
the LAPD is at it again.
this sound familiar?
"It's compounded by the fact that somehow the chief was presented with inaccurate information which he, in turn, presented to the council," Weiss said. "Something clearly went terribly wrong — not only with this arrest, but with the information presented up the chain of command. I'm sure the chief is embarrassed."
i'm sure the chief's embarrassed that the truth's coming out, too... can't really blame him for this tactic, though... the washington regime has showed them that if anything goes wrong, blame it on intelligence.
i happen to think that it's actually lack of intelligence that's the problem.
Monday, July 12, 2004
at the break
anyone who knows me relatively well (and i guess that would include all of you reading this) is aware of my obsession with baseball... the 2004 season is halfway through, and for those of you who don't particularly follow the sport, here's a rundown of what's happening...
first, and actually surprising quite a few people this year in light of all the personnel changes made in the offseason, the Atlanta Braves (my favorite team) are one game out of first place behind the Phillies... actually four out of the five teams in the NL East division are in contention, with 2 games separating the four teams (Phillies, Braves, Mets & last season's world champs, the Marlins)... should be fun to watch this second half of the summer...
more surprising, perhaps, is the play of two AL clubs, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays and the Detroit Tigers ... both are seasonal "cellar dwellers" in their respective divisions and both are in the middle of the pack with 42-45 records... Tampa Bay will have a tougher time making the playoffs, though, with Boston and NY slugging it out in the top of their division...
the AL West is shaping up to be a three-team race (Texas Rangers - another quasi-surprise, Oakland A's and Anaheim Angels), with the slumping Mariners continually attempting to avoid embarrassing themselves with another poor outing, much to the probable ire and chagrin of my native Seattle readers/friends... 15 games outta first at the break ain't gonna cut it...
ok. so what does all this mean?
absolutely nothing. it's only the first half of the season and anything can happen. but division leaders at the break usually go on to at least appear in the playoffs more than not... stay tuned for more details.
we now return you to your regularly scheduled illegal war.
anyone who knows me relatively well (and i guess that would include all of you reading this) is aware of my obsession with baseball... the 2004 season is halfway through, and for those of you who don't particularly follow the sport, here's a rundown of what's happening...
first, and actually surprising quite a few people this year in light of all the personnel changes made in the offseason, the Atlanta Braves (my favorite team) are one game out of first place behind the Phillies... actually four out of the five teams in the NL East division are in contention, with 2 games separating the four teams (Phillies, Braves, Mets & last season's world champs, the Marlins)... should be fun to watch this second half of the summer...
more surprising, perhaps, is the play of two AL clubs, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays and the Detroit Tigers ... both are seasonal "cellar dwellers" in their respective divisions and both are in the middle of the pack with 42-45 records... Tampa Bay will have a tougher time making the playoffs, though, with Boston and NY slugging it out in the top of their division...
the AL West is shaping up to be a three-team race (Texas Rangers - another quasi-surprise, Oakland A's and Anaheim Angels), with the slumping Mariners continually attempting to avoid embarrassing themselves with another poor outing, much to the probable ire and chagrin of my native Seattle readers/friends... 15 games outta first at the break ain't gonna cut it...
ok. so what does all this mean?
absolutely nothing. it's only the first half of the season and anything can happen. but division leaders at the break usually go on to at least appear in the playoffs more than not... stay tuned for more details.
we now return you to your regularly scheduled illegal war.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Monday, July 05, 2004
return
greetings all... back at work for another depressing year... santa cruz/san francisco were, as usual, amazing...
seems like a lot of things happened in my absence... bye to brando (will always remember you as Kurtz in Apocalypse Now and Vito in The Godfather - two of my all-time favorites)... cheers to the success of Fahrenheit 9/11 and all the republicans it's pissed off...
more later when my head gets screwed back on...
greetings all... back at work for another depressing year... santa cruz/san francisco were, as usual, amazing...
seems like a lot of things happened in my absence... bye to brando (will always remember you as Kurtz in Apocalypse Now and Vito in The Godfather - two of my all-time favorites)... cheers to the success of Fahrenheit 9/11 and all the republicans it's pissed off...
more later when my head gets screwed back on...
Friday, June 18, 2004
let's all go to the lobby and get ourselves a treat...
like the invariable rising and setting of the sun, my summer break is upon me... please forgive the lack of posts for the next two fun-filled weeks, as i will be transported from this herniated dustbowl to the soft beaches of Santa Cruz/Monterey and deep blue expanse of the Pacific for a highly needed yet marginally earned paid vacation... my thoughts will be with you, puercitos...
so, until my return, whack a penguin... (my personal best is 1239)
enjoy, friends.
like the invariable rising and setting of the sun, my summer break is upon me... please forgive the lack of posts for the next two fun-filled weeks, as i will be transported from this herniated dustbowl to the soft beaches of Santa Cruz/Monterey and deep blue expanse of the Pacific for a highly needed yet marginally earned paid vacation... my thoughts will be with you, puercitos...
so, until my return, whack a penguin... (my personal best is 1239)
enjoy, friends.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
i get to be the mushroom cloud...
why should halliburton get to have all the fun?
investigate here...
why should halliburton get to have all the fun?
investigate here...
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
ponderous (continued)
as proof, here's the direct contradiction - more evidence of the dishonest nature of the bush gang...
as proof, here's the direct contradiction - more evidence of the dishonest nature of the bush gang...
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
ponderous
i guess this administration is under the assumption that if you repeat the same lie over and over, it suddenly becomes true.
i guess this administration is under the assumption that if you repeat the same lie over and over, it suddenly becomes true.
Monday, June 14, 2004
christianity is stupid
ya know, the really pathetic part of this is that they could probably cure bush's speech impediment for the word "nuclear"...
i wonder if the god that bush believes wants him in power (which would roughly correspond to hitler's belief in "providence") is the same god that anti-abortionists who blow up clinics pray to...
ya know, the really pathetic part of this is that they could probably cure bush's speech impediment for the word "nuclear"...
i wonder if the god that bush believes wants him in power (which would roughly correspond to hitler's belief in "providence") is the same god that anti-abortionists who blow up clinics pray to...
Thursday, June 10, 2004
a fool's fable
what?!? the government says they released inaccurate data?? couldn't be... i mean, they wouldn't try to pass on fictitious information to the american public AGAIN, right?
let's look at it this way.
let's say you make a major mistake at your job... something that, if your boss discovers it, will string your little ass up... just inexcusably wrong... and then the hammer drops... yeah, he/she is pissed, and probably rightly so... i mean, they hired you to do a job, right, and they understand that accidents happen and all, but what you did was... well, pretty fucked up... your boss, being the understanding lout he/she is, lets you off the hook but gives you a pretty stiff warning about paying attention to what you're doing... instance forgotten.
now do you really think you're gonna fuck up AGAIN the same way? of course you're not, unless you're incredibly addled or just didn't give a shit.
or maybe your mistake wasn't really an accident... maybe you had ulterior motives, like, say... you had a general election coming in a few months and needed your hardcore foreign policy stance to look good to the populace... i don't know, something silly like that... and maybe you thought you could just slide it by the old man/woman one more time...
you know you're busted... so what do you do? you hang on and you wait... keep your error covered up, even when people start asking questions... and then, by a sheer stroke of luck, the break you've been waiting for: a retired and much-beloved CEO for the company you work for passes away... suddenly, your mistake, even though your boss is still none-too-thrilled about your LAST celebrated fuck-up, seems less than important when compared to the "sad tragedy of a fallen warrior"...
but there's just one problem...
what?!? the government says they released inaccurate data?? couldn't be... i mean, they wouldn't try to pass on fictitious information to the american public AGAIN, right?
let's look at it this way.
let's say you make a major mistake at your job... something that, if your boss discovers it, will string your little ass up... just inexcusably wrong... and then the hammer drops... yeah, he/she is pissed, and probably rightly so... i mean, they hired you to do a job, right, and they understand that accidents happen and all, but what you did was... well, pretty fucked up... your boss, being the understanding lout he/she is, lets you off the hook but gives you a pretty stiff warning about paying attention to what you're doing... instance forgotten.
now do you really think you're gonna fuck up AGAIN the same way? of course you're not, unless you're incredibly addled or just didn't give a shit.
or maybe your mistake wasn't really an accident... maybe you had ulterior motives, like, say... you had a general election coming in a few months and needed your hardcore foreign policy stance to look good to the populace... i don't know, something silly like that... and maybe you thought you could just slide it by the old man/woman one more time...
you know you're busted... so what do you do? you hang on and you wait... keep your error covered up, even when people start asking questions... and then, by a sheer stroke of luck, the break you've been waiting for: a retired and much-beloved CEO for the company you work for passes away... suddenly, your mistake, even though your boss is still none-too-thrilled about your LAST celebrated fuck-up, seems less than important when compared to the "sad tragedy of a fallen warrior"...
but there's just one problem...
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Monday, June 07, 2004
adios
my good friend ian's boy, elric by name, has departed to live with his pop in the NW... granted the limited time i was able to see him, reno'll be a much grayer place in his absence...
in other farewells, ronnie reagan finally bought the farm his administration was able to swindle from rural folk in the eighties... and khadafi has decided to bury the hatchet in the corpse's back...
jello biafra would just plotz.
my good friend ian's boy, elric by name, has departed to live with his pop in the NW... granted the limited time i was able to see him, reno'll be a much grayer place in his absence...
in other farewells, ronnie reagan finally bought the farm his administration was able to swindle from rural folk in the eighties... and khadafi has decided to bury the hatchet in the corpse's back...
jello biafra would just plotz.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
break
seein' as how there isn't much going on that wasn't expected (cheney and his haliburton ties, dubya "bucking up" the populace, etc.), i thought it would be nice to share a little of what i've been listening to...
first off - kick yerself repeatedly if you haven't heard Yeah Yeah Yeahs... incredible lyrics and attitude, and Karen O is just cute as all hell...
secondly (and maybe more importantly, though my wife may beg to differ), are the Dresden Dolls (thanks for sharing, zen)... wonderfully full sound from a two piece band (piano and drums)... be sure to check out the video on their site for "Girl Anachronism"...
that's all for now.
seein' as how there isn't much going on that wasn't expected (cheney and his haliburton ties, dubya "bucking up" the populace, etc.), i thought it would be nice to share a little of what i've been listening to...
first off - kick yerself repeatedly if you haven't heard Yeah Yeah Yeahs... incredible lyrics and attitude, and Karen O is just cute as all hell...
secondly (and maybe more importantly, though my wife may beg to differ), are the Dresden Dolls (thanks for sharing, zen)... wonderfully full sound from a two piece band (piano and drums)... be sure to check out the video on their site for "Girl Anachronism"...
that's all for now.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
in defense of john mccain
i find it incredulous that mr. hastert somehow finds the "moral high ground" to blithely toss notions of sacrifice around, especially when he directs such comments to a man who was a POW during the vietnam war... reading mr. hastert's biography, i don't see any instance of any sort of sacrifice - making such a fine example of a republican legislator eligible only to keep his big trap shut.
kerry / mccain 2004 - you know you want it.
i find it incredulous that mr. hastert somehow finds the "moral high ground" to blithely toss notions of sacrifice around, especially when he directs such comments to a man who was a POW during the vietnam war... reading mr. hastert's biography, i don't see any instance of any sort of sacrifice - making such a fine example of a republican legislator eligible only to keep his big trap shut.
kerry / mccain 2004 - you know you want it.
Monday, May 17, 2004
marvel comics it ain't
now that Stalin World is up and running (thanks for letting me leech, mike), maybe potential visitors should review the story a little before attending...
this probably would be better if someone had a death ray...
now that Stalin World is up and running (thanks for letting me leech, mike), maybe potential visitors should review the story a little before attending...
this probably would be better if someone had a death ray...
Monday, May 10, 2004
my hero
ya know, maybe bush is right... maybe we DO owe rumsfeld a debt of gratitude... so let me be the first to say thanks.
thanks, don, for helping to ruin our reputation across the globe.
thanks for opening our eyes to the outdated, irregular and perverse sanctions of the Geneva Convention.
thanks for your swaggering, close-minded, sanctimonious assertions on issues you clearly have no knowledge (nor care) about, and that have all turned out to be false.
thanks for helping to perpetuate a divisive, combatant atmosphere here at home, not only with foreign nations, but among americans as a whole.
and finally thanks for defining the American Way: "to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lie shines through." (thank YOU, bill)
your nation salutes you, rummy.
ya bastard.
ya know, maybe bush is right... maybe we DO owe rumsfeld a debt of gratitude... so let me be the first to say thanks.
thanks, don, for helping to ruin our reputation across the globe.
thanks for opening our eyes to the outdated, irregular and perverse sanctions of the Geneva Convention.
thanks for your swaggering, close-minded, sanctimonious assertions on issues you clearly have no knowledge (nor care) about, and that have all turned out to be false.
thanks for helping to perpetuate a divisive, combatant atmosphere here at home, not only with foreign nations, but among americans as a whole.
and finally thanks for defining the American Way: "to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lie shines through." (thank YOU, bill)
your nation salutes you, rummy.
ya bastard.
Friday, May 07, 2004
decisions, decisions
trouble in paradise? maybe they should just give rumsy a gun, lock him in a room and let him take the "honorable" way out, like the good nazi that he is.
trouble in paradise? maybe they should just give rumsy a gun, lock him in a room and let him take the "honorable" way out, like the good nazi that he is.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
house of maus
whether you're a fan of michael moore or not, this is just an incredibly silly move on the part of Disney... all it's gonna do is hype the movie beyond belief and make it more and more popular... sorta like the "controversy" surrounding the Passion of the Christ.
personally, i've been a fan of mr. moore since Roger & Me, and though he can be quite preachy and one-sided, i still find his work illuminating and important in a world where the concept of freedom seems to have run awry...
whether you're a fan of michael moore or not, this is just an incredibly silly move on the part of Disney... all it's gonna do is hype the movie beyond belief and make it more and more popular... sorta like the "controversy" surrounding the Passion of the Christ.
personally, i've been a fan of mr. moore since Roger & Me, and though he can be quite preachy and one-sided, i still find his work illuminating and important in a world where the concept of freedom seems to have run awry...
Thursday, April 29, 2004
woo hoo!
we're #1! we're #1!
and don't you forget it, man.... ya want some o' this??? HUH?!?
(forgive me... lack of nicotine.)
we're #1! we're #1!
and don't you forget it, man.... ya want some o' this??? HUH?!?
(forgive me... lack of nicotine.)
Monday, April 26, 2004
Thursday, April 22, 2004
screwed again
here's a shocker: evidently, poets die young.
the life expectancy of good vs. bad poets remains to be seen, but i believe that once you put pen to paper (or fingers to a keyboard, as the case may be), you seal your doom.
here's a shocker: evidently, poets die young.
the life expectancy of good vs. bad poets remains to be seen, but i believe that once you put pen to paper (or fingers to a keyboard, as the case may be), you seal your doom.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
ahhh yes
glad to know that shane is still just being shane.
maybe i'll have something more substantial a bit later.
maybe.
glad to know that shane is still just being shane.
maybe i'll have something more substantial a bit later.
maybe.
Monday, April 19, 2004
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
olive branch
at his little press conference last night (that the administration deemed necessary to be televised, dammit), bush had a slight problem remembering any mistakes that he has made since the events of September 11.
in good faith, and in our own special little way, we here at GWP would like to help the current president's memory along (if you have any that we missed, please feel free to add them under Comments):
1. war in iraq
2. justifications for war in iraq (hussein was a terrorist, got WMD's, etc.)
3. patriot acts I and II
4. millions of lost jobs
5. ridiculous medicare reform policy
6. dangerous foreign policy and attitude toward UN
7. no child (who can afford it) left behind
8. promoting divisiveness and mistrust in all levels of government.
we're just trying to help.
really.
at his little press conference last night (that the administration deemed necessary to be televised, dammit), bush had a slight problem remembering any mistakes that he has made since the events of September 11.
in good faith, and in our own special little way, we here at GWP would like to help the current president's memory along (if you have any that we missed, please feel free to add them under Comments):
1. war in iraq
2. justifications for war in iraq (hussein was a terrorist, got WMD's, etc.)
3. patriot acts I and II
4. millions of lost jobs
5. ridiculous medicare reform policy
6. dangerous foreign policy and attitude toward UN
7. no child (who can afford it) left behind
8. promoting divisiveness and mistrust in all levels of government.
we're just trying to help.
really.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
victory!
some blogs are merely words, floating around on the vast expanse of the internet, read by countless eyes and immediately forgotten or discarded... but some blogs make a difference...
bowing to immense pressure and bitter, painful scorn from your crack team of loyal journalists here at GWP, judge scalia yesterday issued an apology for his deplorable behavior...
we again remind you that El Gran Puerco Blanco stands for the truth (no matter how difficult), justice (no matter how brutal) and the american way (no matter how misrepresented)... yes, folks, remember - the properly applied power of the Pig can move mountains...
thank you for reading, goodday, and God Bless America... (insert audio track of that opera guy who opens all the yankee games singing the national anthem)
some blogs are merely words, floating around on the vast expanse of the internet, read by countless eyes and immediately forgotten or discarded... but some blogs make a difference...
bowing to immense pressure and bitter, painful scorn from your crack team of loyal journalists here at GWP, judge scalia yesterday issued an apology for his deplorable behavior...
we again remind you that El Gran Puerco Blanco stands for the truth (no matter how difficult), justice (no matter how brutal) and the american way (no matter how misrepresented)... yes, folks, remember - the properly applied power of the Pig can move mountains...
thank you for reading, goodday, and God Bless America... (insert audio track of that opera guy who opens all the yankee games singing the national anthem)
Monday, April 12, 2004
to the moon, alice
hey... now that we're nearly finished polluting our own planet, we can spread our shit around the moon. if, of course, ya got $6M bucks to piss away.
ladies and gentlemen, it's a fucked up world.
hey... now that we're nearly finished polluting our own planet, we can spread our shit around the moon. if, of course, ya got $6M bucks to piss away.
ladies and gentlemen, it's a fucked up world.
Friday, April 09, 2004
more on scalia
so it turns out that not only was the destruction of press recordings unfair (to say the least), it was probably illegal, too.
of course, this is merely a drop in the bucket of abuses that have been perpetrated by our "officials" since 9/11, so it should really come to no surprise to anyone.
so it turns out that not only was the destruction of press recordings unfair (to say the least), it was probably illegal, too.
of course, this is merely a drop in the bucket of abuses that have been perpetrated by our "officials" since 9/11, so it should really come to no surprise to anyone.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
stefani
my wonderful wife has (finally) put her site up...
just the beginnings now, but give her all the love you can... there's also a special message from The Pea for all those who couldn't make it to her third birthday party.
you know who you are.
and so does she.
my wonderful wife has (finally) put her site up...
just the beginnings now, but give her all the love you can... there's also a special message from The Pea for all those who couldn't make it to her third birthday party.
you know who you are.
and so does she.
supreme justice, or else
it seems supreme court justice antonin scalia is letting it all hang out lately.
dig the irony:
"Last year, Scalia was criticized for refusing to allow television and radio coverage of an event in Ohio in which he received an award for supporting free speech.
Scalia, who was appointed to the bench by President Reagan in 1986, told students that the Constitution's true meaning must always be protected.
'The Constitution of the United States is extraordinary and amazing. People just don't revere it like they used to,' Scalia told a full auditorium of high school students, officials, religious leaders. "
ahh, i can see it all now... scalia standing in front of a podium, pontificating on the sublime wisdom of the concept of freedom of speech while federal marshalls run around the crowd confiscating recording equipment like sonny corleone at his sister's wedding...
does the right honorable justice scalia fear something from having his words recorded? judging from the incident reported last january, and the obvious hypocrisy inherent in the above quoted remarks, one would tend to think so.
it all boils down to yet another reason why NO ONE should ever be appointed to a position of power for life.
it seems supreme court justice antonin scalia is letting it all hang out lately.
dig the irony:
"Last year, Scalia was criticized for refusing to allow television and radio coverage of an event in Ohio in which he received an award for supporting free speech.
Scalia, who was appointed to the bench by President Reagan in 1986, told students that the Constitution's true meaning must always be protected.
'The Constitution of the United States is extraordinary and amazing. People just don't revere it like they used to,' Scalia told a full auditorium of high school students, officials, religious leaders. "
ahh, i can see it all now... scalia standing in front of a podium, pontificating on the sublime wisdom of the concept of freedom of speech while federal marshalls run around the crowd confiscating recording equipment like sonny corleone at his sister's wedding...
does the right honorable justice scalia fear something from having his words recorded? judging from the incident reported last january, and the obvious hypocrisy inherent in the above quoted remarks, one would tend to think so.
it all boils down to yet another reason why NO ONE should ever be appointed to a position of power for life.
Friday, April 02, 2004
ten years later
frontline on pbs last night aired an incredibly powerful documentary on the horrors of the rwanda genocide and UN inaction... if you get a chance, look into it.
it's painful, but it'll do your soul good.
frontline on pbs last night aired an incredibly powerful documentary on the horrors of the rwanda genocide and UN inaction... if you get a chance, look into it.
it's painful, but it'll do your soul good.
the crimes of the intellectual
sorry for the delay in posting, gentle reader(s), but my attention has been diverted to other matters the past few weeks...
a few quotes i'd like to throw at you-
"In some Christian denominations the intellectual life is looked at askance; anything beyond basic literacy is regarded as presumptuous." - Library Journal
"We [the German air force] will be the terror of our enemies, those Jewish elitists and intellectuals... I want in this army iron men with a will to action... When the Fuhrer in his Reichstag speech said that we would no longer tolerate the suppression of ten million German comrades beyond our borders, then you know as soldiers of the air force that, if it is to be, you must back these words of the Fuhrer to the limit. We are burning to prove our invincibility." - Hermann Goering*
"It is 'deeply offensive and contemptible' to hear 'elites and intellectuals on the campaign trail' dismiss progress in Iraq since last year's overthrow of Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, the elder Bush said in a speech to the National Petrochemical and Refiners Association annual convention." - Bush the Elder
at first glance, one might draw the conclusion that herrs bush, goring, and the fine folks of the fundamentalist christian community are advocating the opinion that our society should consist solely of mindless, drooling idiots blindly following whatever mandates are put in front of them, not criticizing or offering better ideas or methods.
not exactly... it's interesting how fascists have always used the excuse that anti-intellectualism is a stance against "haughty educated types, who have no experiences in common with the common man, believing they know what's best for them, or pushing them around like pawns in pursuit of nebulous or lofty goals" (thanks, ian)... in earlier - or simpler - times, this would generally be ascribed to the western idea of the Great Evil of Communism...
bush's choice of the phrase "elites and intellectuals", by which (i assume) he is alluding to dissenters of the war in iraq, shows exactly how out of touch the thinking of the "ultra-conservative republican" (for lack of a better phrase) is in a world where the communist arch-enemy no longer exists...
* from "berlin diary", william l. shirer, copyright 1941, alfred knopf publishing, pp 94-95.
sorry for the delay in posting, gentle reader(s), but my attention has been diverted to other matters the past few weeks...
a few quotes i'd like to throw at you-
"In some Christian denominations the intellectual life is looked at askance; anything beyond basic literacy is regarded as presumptuous." - Library Journal
"We [the German air force] will be the terror of our enemies, those Jewish elitists and intellectuals... I want in this army iron men with a will to action... When the Fuhrer in his Reichstag speech said that we would no longer tolerate the suppression of ten million German comrades beyond our borders, then you know as soldiers of the air force that, if it is to be, you must back these words of the Fuhrer to the limit. We are burning to prove our invincibility." - Hermann Goering*
"It is 'deeply offensive and contemptible' to hear 'elites and intellectuals on the campaign trail' dismiss progress in Iraq since last year's overthrow of Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, the elder Bush said in a speech to the National Petrochemical and Refiners Association annual convention." - Bush the Elder
at first glance, one might draw the conclusion that herrs bush, goring, and the fine folks of the fundamentalist christian community are advocating the opinion that our society should consist solely of mindless, drooling idiots blindly following whatever mandates are put in front of them, not criticizing or offering better ideas or methods.
not exactly... it's interesting how fascists have always used the excuse that anti-intellectualism is a stance against "haughty educated types, who have no experiences in common with the common man, believing they know what's best for them, or pushing them around like pawns in pursuit of nebulous or lofty goals" (thanks, ian)... in earlier - or simpler - times, this would generally be ascribed to the western idea of the Great Evil of Communism...
bush's choice of the phrase "elites and intellectuals", by which (i assume) he is alluding to dissenters of the war in iraq, shows exactly how out of touch the thinking of the "ultra-conservative republican" (for lack of a better phrase) is in a world where the communist arch-enemy no longer exists...
* from "berlin diary", william l. shirer, copyright 1941, alfred knopf publishing, pp 94-95.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
part III
we talked for the better part of the morning, walking through the rainy streets of beijing, passing a bottle of half-rancid saki that we found in a dumpster near the american embassy back and forth... he told his stories (chasing a shaman from ft. worth to the jungles of southern ecuador after getting burned on bunk yage, trying to convince the secret service he was spiro agnew's illegitimate son, etc.) and i told mine... and slowly, over this time, i realized how special this guy really was.
and still is. happy birthday, ian...
NOTE: The preceding posts are works of alcohol and marijuana-inspired fiction and do not necessarily represent the opinions of GWP, The People's Republic of China, PETA, Alcoholics Anonymous, Ike and Tina Turner, the corpse of Josef Stalin, Xiang Hoa Porcelain Company, the International Brotherhood of Village Witchdoctors Local #193, the Republican National Committee, the City of Otumwa, Iowa, or the endangered species of panda bears worldwide. No Chinese bathhouse attendants were harmed in the production of this blog. All work copyrighted 2004 by GWP, Inc. All rights reserved. E Pluribus Unum. Goodnight, thanks for reading and God Bless America.
we talked for the better part of the morning, walking through the rainy streets of beijing, passing a bottle of half-rancid saki that we found in a dumpster near the american embassy back and forth... he told his stories (chasing a shaman from ft. worth to the jungles of southern ecuador after getting burned on bunk yage, trying to convince the secret service he was spiro agnew's illegitimate son, etc.) and i told mine... and slowly, over this time, i realized how special this guy really was.
and still is. happy birthday, ian...
NOTE: The preceding posts are works of alcohol and marijuana-inspired fiction and do not necessarily represent the opinions of GWP, The People's Republic of China, PETA, Alcoholics Anonymous, Ike and Tina Turner, the corpse of Josef Stalin, Xiang Hoa Porcelain Company, the International Brotherhood of Village Witchdoctors Local #193, the Republican National Committee, the City of Otumwa, Iowa, or the endangered species of panda bears worldwide. No Chinese bathhouse attendants were harmed in the production of this blog. All work copyrighted 2004 by GWP, Inc. All rights reserved. E Pluribus Unum. Goodnight, thanks for reading and God Bless America.
part II
we stumbled out into the cold, rainy chinese night... ian's hand was dripping blood from the cuts the mug gave him after he smashed it a concrete bench and imperiously shouted to the attendants to "bring it on", waving a large broken shard around with evil intent... i thought it wise we split the scene immediately...
"did i evuh dell you de WEAL weason i'm in tyna?" he managed to half-speak... the paragoric and saki chasers had made his tongue somewhat numb... "nope", i replied, somewhat cautiously... he went on to explain that he came to beijing through the "back door", as it were, latching himself on to a diplomatic envoy sent by Nixon a few years earlier... he had been trying his hand at a panda aphrodisiac made from a crossbred monstrosity of bamboo and ayahuasca... funny thing is, the damned thing worked... pandas were hornier than ever and humping everything in sight...
except for each other.
unexplainedly, the food/drug caused uncontrollable panda erections in males while inducing heat in females, but for some reason, the pandas wouldn't fuck other pandas... no monkey, small bush, patch of mud, furry animal, nature photographer (animate or otherwise) or jungle denizen was safe from the amorous exploits of the bears... "had to shoot one of 'em in the kidney just to get the bastard offa my leg", he explained, showing me the panda tooth necklace he wore strung around his neck... "ever had a 600 lb panda try to get in your ass?? not comfortable. so i sez fuck the endangered species act..." his voice was beginning to falter and crack... he needed another drink, and desperately...
we stumbled out into the cold, rainy chinese night... ian's hand was dripping blood from the cuts the mug gave him after he smashed it a concrete bench and imperiously shouted to the attendants to "bring it on", waving a large broken shard around with evil intent... i thought it wise we split the scene immediately...
"did i evuh dell you de WEAL weason i'm in tyna?" he managed to half-speak... the paragoric and saki chasers had made his tongue somewhat numb... "nope", i replied, somewhat cautiously... he went on to explain that he came to beijing through the "back door", as it were, latching himself on to a diplomatic envoy sent by Nixon a few years earlier... he had been trying his hand at a panda aphrodisiac made from a crossbred monstrosity of bamboo and ayahuasca... funny thing is, the damned thing worked... pandas were hornier than ever and humping everything in sight...
except for each other.
unexplainedly, the food/drug caused uncontrollable panda erections in males while inducing heat in females, but for some reason, the pandas wouldn't fuck other pandas... no monkey, small bush, patch of mud, furry animal, nature photographer (animate or otherwise) or jungle denizen was safe from the amorous exploits of the bears... "had to shoot one of 'em in the kidney just to get the bastard offa my leg", he explained, showing me the panda tooth necklace he wore strung around his neck... "ever had a 600 lb panda try to get in your ass?? not comfortable. so i sez fuck the endangered species act..." his voice was beginning to falter and crack... he needed another drink, and desperately...
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
to ian on his birthday
part I
i sit here on tuesday night, nursing my third beer, and my thoughts can't help but turn to the first time i met ian... it was in an illegal bathhouse in beijing, 1975... he was gulping paragoric from a dirty brown mug that had a flaking profile of stalin on one side and "World's Greatest Uncle" in fading cyrillic on the other... i had wandered in offa the street, looking for a drink and whatever else may happen... he had evidently been quite a fixture there for the past week... seems he was taking advantage of a recent promotion by the Chinese government involving 10 free bathhouse visits for becoming a member of the Communist Party... he had showed me his little Red Card early on that evening that had seven holes stamped out in it to form a crude likeness of Chairman Mao...
"boy!" he bellowed across the empty pools (the place had been dead for hours... guess no one seemed to be interested in "cleanliness" at 4am on a wednesday night, even in beijing). ian, to his sneering, giggling delight, had been giving the spa boy a wicked time for the past three hours... he turned to me, leaning over precariously in his lime green reclining patio chair... "bastard doesn't even speak Xeno-Pyrennic Basque, the fucking yellow savage...", he hissed... i grunted assent... "boy! i'm not getting in that fucking bath until you clean the dead mantises outta it!"... the steaming water in the pool at which he was gesturing wildly was cystal clear... he glowered menacingly, one hand firmly clenching his mug , the other squeezed into a tight red fist which he shook brazenly at the simmering attendant... the entire scene - the coffee mug, the lime green patio chair, the heavy smell of the bathhouse, the frantic arm waving and fist clenching - produced a quite unnerving effect... i frowned and lit a cigarette... shit, this is gonna get ugly...
part I
i sit here on tuesday night, nursing my third beer, and my thoughts can't help but turn to the first time i met ian... it was in an illegal bathhouse in beijing, 1975... he was gulping paragoric from a dirty brown mug that had a flaking profile of stalin on one side and "World's Greatest Uncle" in fading cyrillic on the other... i had wandered in offa the street, looking for a drink and whatever else may happen... he had evidently been quite a fixture there for the past week... seems he was taking advantage of a recent promotion by the Chinese government involving 10 free bathhouse visits for becoming a member of the Communist Party... he had showed me his little Red Card early on that evening that had seven holes stamped out in it to form a crude likeness of Chairman Mao...
"boy!" he bellowed across the empty pools (the place had been dead for hours... guess no one seemed to be interested in "cleanliness" at 4am on a wednesday night, even in beijing). ian, to his sneering, giggling delight, had been giving the spa boy a wicked time for the past three hours... he turned to me, leaning over precariously in his lime green reclining patio chair... "bastard doesn't even speak Xeno-Pyrennic Basque, the fucking yellow savage...", he hissed... i grunted assent... "boy! i'm not getting in that fucking bath until you clean the dead mantises outta it!"... the steaming water in the pool at which he was gesturing wildly was cystal clear... he glowered menacingly, one hand firmly clenching his mug , the other squeezed into a tight red fist which he shook brazenly at the simmering attendant... the entire scene - the coffee mug, the lime green patio chair, the heavy smell of the bathhouse, the frantic arm waving and fist clenching - produced a quite unnerving effect... i frowned and lit a cigarette... shit, this is gonna get ugly...
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
lemme tug on your coat a second...
life is filled with uncertainties... fraught with danger, etc... there are, however, a few universal truths:
1. shakespeare's plays were actually written by christopher marlowe (screw you, ian).
2. republicans eat their own.
3. texans shouldn't be presidents.
inre #3, to wit:
there have been four "texan" presidents, whether born there or politcally established from: Eisenhower, Johnson, Bush the Elder and the dreaded Son of Bush.
Ike got us out of Korea... this was obviously a good thing and there was much rejoicing at his determined american leadership, etc. etc.... he was considered a great american president upon his departure from the office... of course, he also turned a blind eye to McCarthyism and the evils it perpetrated, as well as promoting hatred of western ideas in the middle east with his "Eisenhower Doctrine"... no one's perfect, you might say...
Johnson was the first president to commit troops to Vietnam... also stirred things up in the middle east by allowing israel a free hand in the region... 'nuff said about that...
Bush ruined what economy was left after Reagan got ahold of it and started a war in the middle east... granted, other than these two items, he was about as exciting as a wicker chair, but hey, war is war, right?
and then we come to the present-day Bush... TWO middle eastern wars... millions of jobs lost... LITERALLY countless accounts of scandal, corruption, avarice... well, let's just say his bloodlust, impropriety and greed are well documented and leave it at that.
four men. four TEXAS men. and they all seem obsessed with fucking with arabs.
makes me wish santa ana had won at san jacinto.
life is filled with uncertainties... fraught with danger, etc... there are, however, a few universal truths:
1. shakespeare's plays were actually written by christopher marlowe (screw you, ian).
2. republicans eat their own.
3. texans shouldn't be presidents.
inre #3, to wit:
there have been four "texan" presidents, whether born there or politcally established from: Eisenhower, Johnson, Bush the Elder and the dreaded Son of Bush.
Ike got us out of Korea... this was obviously a good thing and there was much rejoicing at his determined american leadership, etc. etc.... he was considered a great american president upon his departure from the office... of course, he also turned a blind eye to McCarthyism and the evils it perpetrated, as well as promoting hatred of western ideas in the middle east with his "Eisenhower Doctrine"... no one's perfect, you might say...
Johnson was the first president to commit troops to Vietnam... also stirred things up in the middle east by allowing israel a free hand in the region... 'nuff said about that...
Bush ruined what economy was left after Reagan got ahold of it and started a war in the middle east... granted, other than these two items, he was about as exciting as a wicker chair, but hey, war is war, right?
and then we come to the present-day Bush... TWO middle eastern wars... millions of jobs lost... LITERALLY countless accounts of scandal, corruption, avarice... well, let's just say his bloodlust, impropriety and greed are well documented and leave it at that.
four men. four TEXAS men. and they all seem obsessed with fucking with arabs.
makes me wish santa ana had won at san jacinto.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
the only viable alternative
well, the way i see it, it's either Kerry or Guns and Dope in 2004.
Dubya is simply not an option.
well, the way i see it, it's either Kerry or Guns and Dope in 2004.
Dubya is simply not an option.
Monday, February 02, 2004
the piscatawny chainsaw massacre
ahhhh yes... i can see it now... hundreds of people standing around... "folks, it looks like he sees his shadow"... a chorus of boos rise up from the crowd, steadily growing louder... half-empty styrofoam coffee cups flung through the air, accompanied by woolen hats and parts of gnawed donuts... the boos are replaced by menacing comments and thinly veiled threats... "it'll be a trick for that fucking mole to see his shadow after i rip his goddamned eyes out"... signs are quickly scribbled with worn-down sharpie nubs - "Piss on Phil" and "Gut the Gopher" - and thrust into the air angrily... the scene is turning bad, like SA bullies attacking a communist march in the early '30s... suddenly, bill murray appears outta empty fucking air, simultaneously reprising his roles in "Caddyshack" and "Groundhog Day", reliving the same boring golf match over and over...
ahhhh yes... i can see it now... hundreds of people standing around... "folks, it looks like he sees his shadow"... a chorus of boos rise up from the crowd, steadily growing louder... half-empty styrofoam coffee cups flung through the air, accompanied by woolen hats and parts of gnawed donuts... the boos are replaced by menacing comments and thinly veiled threats... "it'll be a trick for that fucking mole to see his shadow after i rip his goddamned eyes out"... signs are quickly scribbled with worn-down sharpie nubs - "Piss on Phil" and "Gut the Gopher" - and thrust into the air angrily... the scene is turning bad, like SA bullies attacking a communist march in the early '30s... suddenly, bill murray appears outta empty fucking air, simultaneously reprising his roles in "Caddyshack" and "Groundhog Day", reliving the same boring golf match over and over...
first of all, i'm not a big football fan. never have been.
now that's outta the way, could someone please explain how, in this age of heightened security , where flights to Houston are cancelled by the Homeland Security Department, where Bush submits a $2.4 trillion budget, in part to help boost security in the country, where our surveillance technology has produced the quintessential Orwellian civil rights nightmare, a naked man could bypass all these security measures and shake his wang in front of 50,000 shit-kickin' gawkers?
look, i'm no economist or budget analyst or any other high-fallutin' -ist you wish to call it, but i do know that if a streaker can infiltrate one of the tightest security systems we can come up with, maybe we can spend all this money we're dumping into "homeland security" a little wiser. like say, maybe, education...
but that's just me.
cheer up, folks. baseball's right around the corner...
now that's outta the way, could someone please explain how, in this age of heightened security , where flights to Houston are cancelled by the Homeland Security Department, where Bush submits a $2.4 trillion budget, in part to help boost security in the country, where our surveillance technology has produced the quintessential Orwellian civil rights nightmare, a naked man could bypass all these security measures and shake his wang in front of 50,000 shit-kickin' gawkers?
look, i'm no economist or budget analyst or any other high-fallutin' -ist you wish to call it, but i do know that if a streaker can infiltrate one of the tightest security systems we can come up with, maybe we can spend all this money we're dumping into "homeland security" a little wiser. like say, maybe, education...
but that's just me.
cheer up, folks. baseball's right around the corner...
Thursday, January 29, 2004
WMD (whales of mass destruction)
seems that a stringent form of large marine animal suicide bombings is beginning to surface in japan... when will these terrorist bastards stop?
let's invade SeaWorld.
seems that a stringent form of large marine animal suicide bombings is beginning to surface in japan... when will these terrorist bastards stop?
let's invade SeaWorld.
headlines, headlines, headlines
just a quick little entry for this morning... i got to work and decided to see what was going on around the world that i, as a concerned world citizen, need know about...
at the hague, criminals were getting their just desserts, in israel, madness, in england, things are getting a little better, and in the good ole USA, well... this passes for news.
i'm going home and getting back in bed.
just a quick little entry for this morning... i got to work and decided to see what was going on around the world that i, as a concerned world citizen, need know about...
at the hague, criminals were getting their just desserts, in israel, madness, in england, things are getting a little better, and in the good ole USA, well... this passes for news.
i'm going home and getting back in bed.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
unleashing the blogs of war
good morning, my little puercitos... so, the present administration seems to be backpedalling a touch... which should really come as no surprise... it'll be a simple matter of time before the voting public gets fed up with ingesting lie after lie... then again....
more a little later when my boss gets offa mah back...
good morning, my little puercitos... so, the present administration seems to be backpedalling a touch... which should really come as no surprise... it'll be a simple matter of time before the voting public gets fed up with ingesting lie after lie... then again....
more a little later when my boss gets offa mah back...
Monday, January 26, 2004
by way of an introduction
ah so and welcome... first thing's first - much drool-ridden angst to ian at purple ass press for inspiring me to such measures... and so if this blog screws the digital pooch, as it were, all derisive laughter/vegetable hurling rests thereupon... oh yeah, and if it REALLY sucks, blame zen (he'll be 'round soon enough)... thanks also to mike at messiah bomb for providing the vehicle for me to reap the benefits of countless unproductive hours at my job... finally, thanks also to georgie and dickie for being the celebrated Bad Guys that everyone needs nowadays...
we here at GWP encourage you, our loyal reader(s), to contact us with any questions, complaints, confessions, regrets, small furry animal sounds or vividly appalling descriptions of diseases you may have contracted by kindly clicking here... all comments will be treated with the utmost contempt and humorous scorn, and shall be printed on specially quilted cuddly soft tissue paper for a profoundly intense, yet incredibly soothing, ass-wiping...
that being said, remember that the Pig is your friend.
ah so and welcome... first thing's first - much drool-ridden angst to ian at purple ass press for inspiring me to such measures... and so if this blog screws the digital pooch, as it were, all derisive laughter/vegetable hurling rests thereupon... oh yeah, and if it REALLY sucks, blame zen (he'll be 'round soon enough)... thanks also to mike at messiah bomb for providing the vehicle for me to reap the benefits of countless unproductive hours at my job... finally, thanks also to georgie and dickie for being the celebrated Bad Guys that everyone needs nowadays...
we here at GWP encourage you, our loyal reader(s), to contact us with any questions, complaints, confessions, regrets, small furry animal sounds or vividly appalling descriptions of diseases you may have contracted by kindly clicking here... all comments will be treated with the utmost contempt and humorous scorn, and shall be printed on specially quilted cuddly soft tissue paper for a profoundly intense, yet incredibly soothing, ass-wiping...
that being said, remember that the Pig is your friend.
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